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[Jul. 16th, 2006|03:02 pm] |
i got another tatoo. on my left shoulder, its small and i plan on building on it. its cool. its kanji for justice. go figure.
is it time for school to start yet?
tanya, feel free to give me a call sometime.
andi like dancing. fuck. |
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[Jul. 16th, 2006|01:29 pm] |
shit went down bad last night. i ended up in a fucking fight. my mouth hurts because of this fucking guy.
i fucking hate this man, i so fucking hate this. Fuck it. that wall that ive been building up, fuck. its done. its up. i cant do this shit. i cannot sit here and have to defend my life like this for the rest of my life.
i STILL like Tanya...jesus lol, I didn't hook up last night, because I thought of Tanya how sad? yeah. sad. the deal is, i hit that guy in self defense and i instantly felt so bad, what would tanya think? and why should i even think that? it was so weird.
i gotta do this.
-nic |
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[Jul. 15th, 2006|07:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
So I'm going running with a friend in Omaha tonight. I could have gone to the Q, but eh...no thanks. Thank g-d for Jerry though, lol. And so yeah.
Running. Ten bucks says I don't want to even hook up with anyone ha...imagine that.
Anyway, I could have died. And that cannot, I repeat CANNOT happen again. Fuck nebraska
-nic |
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[Jul. 15th, 2006|12:05 am] |
So I ran yesterday, it was not so amazing. Heh, I made the mistake of running at 11 am, just when the nasty heat hit. I made it about 5 miles, and called it quits. It was just too damn hot, yanno? But it was nice later, and I would have ran except for the hail we got. Damn you hail! DAMN YOU I SAY!
And I ran a bit this morning, but I didn't have much time, so it was only a 6 miler. damn. I will probably try and make up for it tomorrow or something. We'll see.
Check it out:
You know your a runner when...
your feet are the whitest in the summer from running
you "pig out" on carbs
you know all the track gossip
you have track groupies
you get running socks forthe holidays
you wear dry-fit hats
you like to wear spandex
you own racing glasses
a meal consists of a powerbar and gatorade
pasta parties are your social high light of the weekend
you actually like tempo runs
you dig runner girls over any other girls
you talk about running shoes more then progs
you keep band-aids in your pocket just incase you get a blister
your wall has more then 5 posters of runners on it
you've kept all your running bibs
you get a golden retreaver so you have an excuse to run alot
the only jewery you wear is a LiveStrong braclet
you wear spandex under every pair of shorts
you sleep with your "lucky" spikes
you run more to gain weight, not lose it
you know the name of every running store within a 50 mile radius and
have been to all of them
you have more then 20 shirts from the races you've been in
you were in phyisical therapy before the age of 12
you've flew 1200 miles to run a race
you ran 2 races while on holiday
you consider mountian climbing as cross training
you've ran a race on New Year's Eve instead of partying
your ideal date would be a long run then a nice quiet pasta dinner
you went on a cruise and still got in your mileage
your girlfriend is too slow to train with
you always carry vasaline in your pocket
you got a hair cut and actually run faster
you snack on salad
you run a race on a Sunday morning and then make it to church on time
you have more then 3 running blogs
you've broken a finger while out on a run
you've been in the ER because of a running accident
you have talked for more then 5 hours at once about running
you take more then 8 vitamins a day
your favorite junk food is animal crackers
you go to a fastfood place and order only water
you cant count all your trophies/ribbons/medels from races
any other sport is lame to you
you are a track rat
you've ran a marathon and a triathlon before the age of 16
your more sore wearing a pair of heels for one night then running a marathon
you run the day after surgery or rather the same day
you wake up at 6 to run in the summer
And, yes. I LIKE Tanya. Let me take a minute to explain this.
I got drunk tonight, and usually when I get drunk I hook up. Tonight I didn't. I didn't even have the desire to. Why? Who knows really, but all I know is that I haven't had the desire to hook up with anyone really, since Pride weekend. And that isn't like me. I don't do this sort of crap or anything. Up until recently, I've been the hook-up sort of man, yanno..numbers filling my wallet of girls I'll never actually call? Yeah. That type of guy. And now, since Pride weekend, when I actually met Tanya, I haven't done that. It's rediculous, I know.
And I can't fucking believe I just typed that. I'm half tempted to delete it, damnit.
On another note, I beat the shit out of someone in self defense tonight. It was bad, I feel so ... cold. Like, it was this turning point in my life, where...I am no longer butch....I'm stone. And its not true. That isn't me...not really anyway. I don't know. I hate the term butch, but I've come to accept it as my own. It IS me. It consumes me, and when I hit that guy tonight to get away from him, I knew that that was it. At that point, I shut down and only focused on keeping myself and my friends safe. And THAT is what changed inside of me. And it scares me. I don't want to be that person.
-Nic |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|11:25 pm] |
This will officially be my journal to track my mileage. And stuff. Yeah.
Starting now.
I ran about 8 miles today, and it was amazing. From my home to UNL, taking a scenic route, then through campus and back home taking the same scenic route. It was a little bit warm, humid but not too bad. It cooled off just right, and there was this nice breeze that kept me going. After the first 3 miles, I felt completely numb. Euphoric. And I had to push to keep that euphoric feeling alive. I thought about so much, how far I was going. The condition of my shoes, I need new running shoes. Ah. I love running, its quite possibly the greatest form of art. It's my weakness. It truly is.
And in other news, I like Tanya. There. I said it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|08:42 am] |
Alright so I'm using this. But just this once, never again.
I'm thinking I might be having second thoughts about transitioning. Well, sort of. I want to, I've always wanted to, but what if..yanno? all those what ifs will probably hold me back. Like they always do...le sigh. |
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nick8702's journal